I want to be comfortably, uncomfortable

This is a phrase I am using to define my spiritual walk.  It’s easily noticed that these words are the antithesis of one another.

1.  I want to be comfortable:

The longer one serves Christ—and all that means by way of formation (Christ within!) —the more comfortable one becomes.  

Here is a comfortable kind of verse:

John 21:20 (NIV) Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”)

So, there has to be some sense of abiding in the vine—some sense of “He’s as close as the mention of His name.”  I want to be comfortable with Jesus.  I want to walk with the Spirit.  I have to have intimacy with the Father.  I am comfortable around God.  I’m not nervous.  I’m not worried.  I’m not thinking He is waiting to clobber me. 

I live with Him, in Him, because of Him. A very crude illustration—it’s the old pair of slippers you can’t throw out—because they are too comfortable.

2.  But—with a qualifier—I want to be ‘comfortably uncomfortable.’

The other aspect of my spirituality is nervousness.  I read a portion of the gospels everyday and keep wondering  where I fit in.  Professionally I could be a priest—a scribe—or, a Pharisee.  These guys didn’t fare well with Jesus.  

Then there is this really nasty portion from Matthew’s gospel: 

Matthew 7:21-23 (NLT)

“21 “Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as ‘Lord,’ but they still won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven.

22 On judgment day many will tell me, ‘Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’

23 But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized.’”

So, miracles as such are not ‘proof’ of one’s spirituality—nor apparently a sign of one’s salvation.

You see why I am I comfortably uncomfortable?

Peter Traven Haas. Centring Prayers

“I wish to live today in the strong circle of your way, truth, and life.  But, especially, I focus on my need to experience an inward conversion.  Help me see myself more clearly today—the negative and the positive.  I do not want to live in the darkness of denial.  I want to live in the light of insight.”